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The Epilepsy Nobody Knows

Hi, beautiful friends! I'm so glad you're here and we have this opportunity to worship together!

November is national awareness month for several things, one being Epilepsy. I think a lot of the world knows that Epilepsy exists and people have it, but I think that people very rarely understand what epilepsy is or what all it entails, so I'd like to share my story in hopes that it will bring further understanding and hopefully answer any questions you may have.

DISCLAIMER: there are going to be holes in this story. Because of the emotional and physical trauma I don't remember everything, in fact I remember very little most days. Also, there will be some somewhat graphic content. Please bear with me and hopefully this will make sense and bring blessings.

(It all starts in 2011:)) According to my mom I had been feeling very bad surrounding my first seizure. I think there were lots of headaches and body aches, but don't hold me to that. ;) My first seizure (WARNING:…

Guess What?!?!?

I feel the Lord is calling me to something much bigger than myself. I feel Him calling me to a ministry. I feel Him calling me to use this voice and the story that He graciously gave me to lead others. To lead them to something much bigger than themselves. Something so much greater and so much more beautiful than them and me. Something bigger than you, my dear reader. Something bigger and greater and more beautiful than we could ever imagine, even in our wildest dreams. This "something" I am talking about is the glory of God. I want you to behold our great Father. I want you to learn and grow and be, just be (more on that coming very soon!). As broken people in a broken world we forget, at least I often do, to worship during the broken moments. We need Jesus to lead us and hold us up. We need each other. We need to worship, broken brother and sister. You and I, we need to worship!! God has called us to not be idle and stay put, so here I am, not staying put. Today is anothe…

I Am Second® - Chip & Joanna Gaines

Tonight I stumbled (not really because,... Jesus) across an 'I am second' video of Chip and Joanna Gaines and it absolutely wrecked me!!

Mrs. Joanna talked about how she is a rule follower to a tee and how she likes structure. She said she always thought "if you play by the rules, you'll be blessed" and then God gave her Mr. Chip and He showed her that "when you take a step out on faith, when it makes absolutely no sense, I think that's where the greater reward is. There's no telling where that will take you."

Every word they said in this interview was beautiful, inspiring and life-changing!!

I have struggled so much in the past few weeks, months, years, and, really, my whole life with being a 'follow all the rules to a tee and you'll be blessed' attitude and it has absolutely broken me! It has made my heart hurt. It has given me panic attacks and anxiety to the max. I could never succeed and do it just right. I will never be able t…

Disability or Reability? --My Epilepsy Story (Introduction)

This month is Epilepsy awareness month and I want to paint the world purple and help people be more aware not only of the disorder but also of the lifestyle it produces.

My story is one of utter brokenness. The kind of brokenness that you think is going to never stop hurting and making your heart ache. This story is full of mistakes I made and, unfortunately, sins I committed. I handled this brokenness in a way that I am ashamed of. I am ashamed of my actions and words and the ways I have hurt my family, friends, church and community, and most importantly, God!

December 2011 through March 2012 were bad and then March until June of that some year were REALLY BAD. After June the redemption started and then the broken hearts and relationships started to mend. After that I began to find a new normal and face this disorder in a new way. I am going to explain all of this in detail as the weeks go on.

I am going to be sharing a part of this story each week of November, there will be five pa…

Die to Save.

Here we go. Another Monday. Another week. Another season. Today can be like every other Monday, this week can be just like every other week, this season can be the same as all the others, or... It can be different. I choose different and I plead with you to do the same! For God, because of the sacrifices that He has made and the sacrifices of the Trinity, the ways They have laid down Their Holy, righteous lives for us. Lets make this Monday, this week, this season one that in the biggest, most profound way glorifies God and leads others to do the same.

How do we do that? That is a wonderful question, to which there are lots and lots of answers, but I am just going to give one tonight.

Here it is.

Are you ready?

Drum roll please....

Die to yourself.

Yes, you read that right. I said die to yourself. You may ask what that means? It means that whatever you love, want to do, desire with your heart, things that are important to you, the things that matter to you, lay them down and let…

My Hallelujah Song.

Today is one of those really bad days. You know, the kind of day where your heart hurts even when something wonderful happens? The kind of day that makes you want to cry about every little thing? The kind of day that makes you almost hate the things you love? Yeah, today has been that kind of day for me. Today has kind of stunk! It has been rough and my heart is hurting.

Today is the every once in a while day that we call "I hate Epilepsy day". It comes every couple of weeks or months and it doesn't stay long but while it's here, it hurts! It breaks our hearts and it makes us cry and basically, it just plain stinks, big time!!

I have cried more times then I can count today. Why? You may ask. Because, it stinks to have Epilepsy sometimes!

Now, please don't get the idea that I hate Epilepsy, even though everything I've said so far has pointed to that very thought. I LOVE having Epilepsy!! I love that the Lord gave this illness to me!! It is a gift and I am s…

Untitled.

Hi, readers! I know it's been awhile but I'm back (hopefully for more than one post ;))!

I have wanted to tell this part of my story for a long time! I have wanted to share of God's grace, His faithfulness, mercy, love, forgiveness, patience, and redemption. I have wanted to help others by telling my story; I have wanted to share the truth and unearth pieces of this story that haven't been shared freely.

There have been times when I haven't wanted to share this part of my story, I haven't been able to understand, comprehend, or describe anything well enough to share it much less help others. I have struggled with my story for a long time, but for the last couple of years I have wanted to share my story, praise the Lord, and help others. Unfortunately, I have never been able to truly share my story in all it's entirety. BUT, by God's grace, I am now!! He has answered my prayers with a long awaited "YES!" And I could not be more grateful!

I wo…