We Have a Choice

It's my choice.

I can feel less than.
I can feel not enough.
I can feel like I'll never measure up.
I can feel like the grass is always greener on the other side.
I can believe the lie that I'm not making a difference.
I can believe that I'm alone, that I'm the only one chasing these dreams.
I can believe that it's all about me.
OR
I can know and live truth that it's not about me.
I am less than without Jesus.
I am not enough without Jesus.
I will never measure up without Jesus.
The grass is always greener where you water it.
I am making a difference because of Jesus.
I am not alone because of Jesus.
It is all about Jesus.

I'm combating the lies! The lies Satan pours over me. The lies I'm drowning in. The lies that I'm letting stop me from pursuing the things of God. The things He is laying on my heart to pursue.

I am in a season of beginnings, of new and different, of remembering, of working through big, hard things. As I'm walking in this season (and sometimes trying to run the other direction;)) I'm having lots of wonderful and hard conversations with my amazing mom and the Lord is revealing some hard truths! I'm seeing parts of my heart I didn't think were there. I'm seeing parts of my heart I really wish weren't there! I'm wishing away sinful parts of my heart and that sin breaks my heart! I'm learning that people have way too much of an impact on me. I let people sway me in different directions and lead me down ugly paths. I turn little words or micro expressions into big things that I should have skipped right over and ignored. It's not the people, but my heart that's the issue here.

You see, we really do have a choice as to how we respond, how we handle things, how we let things affect us, how we think, what we do. We get to choose! Our emotions can rule us if we let them. Or we could refuse and choose to fight against our natural tendencies and say no to the nasty lies and the influences of this world! I really like the second option!!

I haven't been writing very much lately. Partly because I'm in a hard season and writing can, at times, make things harder, but that's not really the case here. I've let my fears and my nasty, sinful thoughts take me captive. I've let the lies creep in and take residence. I've chosen to be sad and feel sorry for myself.

I found myself saying "but" a lot when I was sharing with Mom. She would say something to combat a lie and I would say "but ____". I don't want to live in ugly lies that make me feel bad, but it feels comfortable to me. It feels almost safe. It's my natural tendency to believe what I naturally think to be true. I've heard it thought like this: you don't have to train a child to steal, they already know how to take things that aren't theirs. You don't have to train a child to hit, they already know how to hit. You have to train the child to not take things that aren't theirs. To be gentle and not be aggressive when agitated or provoked. We already know how to sin. We were all born with a sin nature. We need help and training to know what's good and what's holy! We have to do the same thing for our minds! We have to train our minds to think truth from God and believe what the Lord says. We have to learn truth and lean into the Lord to help us believe it and live it out. We can't choose truth and life on our own!

We need Jesus!

Our efforts will be in vain if we try to go about this any other way!! We simply just can't make good what is naturally bad without Someone good teaching us how to be good! When someone bad tries to teach something good...it will never work! There is no way! I promise! I've tried. I've tried to teach myself and do it on my own, but friends, it was all in vain and totally worthless! Jesus turned it all around and taught me truth, though! When we fall short if we run to Him with a pure heart, He will redeem us! He will redeem our mistakes! What Satan means for evil, God means for good!

Freedom is a really wonderful feeling! The freedom I feel after talking through these things and the Lord convicting me and leading me to Himself in repentance and freeing me...breaking the chains (the lies) that we're binding me, it's amazing!! It is a beautiful and perfect gift from the Father!!! Those lies held me in captivity, but no more! Jesus Christ has set me free!!!

I know that there are more lies and there will always be another lie, another struggle, but His grace never runs out! He never gives up! He never stops pursuing His children!! How beautiful is that!! How wonderful is our God!! How gracious of our Father to forgive His children when we come with a pure and contrite heart!! His compassion amazes me!!!!

-b