Hi friends! I am so glad I'm able to share part two of this Epilepsy update!
Part one: https://bayleykatherine.blogspot.com/2018/11/broken-being-healed-in-unexpected-ways.html
The Forth Test:
The forth test is supposed to be a 72 hour EEG, but unfortunately, we've hit an insurance snag and it's been put on hold. We aren't sure what's coming next for our family, but we are trying to trust Jesus. My biggest goal is to be found faithful. I want to be faithful. I want to be obedient and a faithful servant of my God and King. He is so worthy and it is a privilege to worship Him. It is a privilege to experience this pain. He's granted me the gift of suffering! This suffering, these trials, this ache is an opportunity and a blessing. My worship has grown and my relationship with God has blossomed. I have a more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and King! What a privilege! So no, we don't have answers, we're currently at a stand still and honestly, that is so hard! I can't even explain how hard this is and the pain we are experiencing, but He is still good and I truly would not trade this suffering!
To be found faithful.
I had some fear looking ahead and imagining what this would look like, what we'd go through, how we would feel. My two things were that it would break all of our hearts to see me like that, to see them seeing me. It broke me to imagine that pain and heartbreak. Each step was harder than the last and this step though maybe not harder was still going to break us-- this journey is breaking us. My other fear: PTSD and my past creeping up on me like it does sometimes and making this even more traumatic and emotional. (If you'd like to read more about my past: http://bayleykatherine.blogspot.com/search?q=untitled-- Trigger warning!) When the Insurance didn't approve it and we were kind of put on hold, there was relief and brokenness, sorrow. There is a lot of emotions that are really hard to explain, that are hard for people to understand and for me to put into words, but joy and sorrow is a really good way of putting it. There is a lot of joy because of Jesus, what He is doing and how He is working, it's beautifully life-changing! And there is sorrow which is also beautifully life-changing and equally from the Lord. Both come from hurt, you can't truly experience joy until you've experienced heartache and sorrow and sorrow is a byproduct of hurt and a tool that God uses to bring true joy. Jesus is the only way we can experience real joy, without Him, we just have happiness. Happiness is dependent on our circumstances, but joy is absolutely not! Joy is a precious gift from God to His children, something that only we can experience. What a privilege! My life has been broken for so long but, from the moment Jesus saved me, I have been able to choose joy. I have had to learn and it's not an easy thing to do, but Jesus. Even when we don't choose to experience joy, it's there. Because Jesus is the giver of joy and true joy is an eternal gift from the Father. I can't really explain, but I really, really pray you get to experience it!
Joy and sorrow.
He keeps graciously reminding me what precious, eternal gifts He's given to me, to us, through this and one of my favorite gifts is His teaching. I love how He powerfully and sovereignly answers the prayers of His children! I pray that the Lord will help me sit back and just watch in awe as He works and He has truly graciously given me that gift and privilege! He points out and He doesn't let me miss an answer to prayer. I prayed that He would help me in some specific areas that I was struggling with and He answered and did a beautiful and GRACIOUS work in my heart, my desperately wicked, sinful heart. PRAISE GOD! His answers and His perfect will don't always look the way we pray or imagine or want, but His will is far better than we could ever ask or imagine! The way He convicts and shows me truth and changes me is my favorite! I am so grateful!! He has done a mighty work and He still is! Until Eternity!
His teachings.
I am different than I was when this all started and I am grateful! I am so grateful that He is faithful and true to His word. Grateful that, as He promised, He will not leave us or forsake us. Grateful because He is mighty to save and His saving doesn't always look the way we want it to. I am grateful that He didn't give us what we wanted the way we wanted! Praise the Lord! His ways are higher than ours and better than we could ever imagine!! Wow God!!
..............................................................................
What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
--What a Friend We Have in Jesus
Praying this over us!
..................................................................
Thank you for reading my story! Thank you for cheering me on and encouraging me! Thank you! You bless me, friend!! So much!
-b
Part one: https://bayleykatherine.blogspot.com/2018/11/broken-being-healed-in-unexpected-ways.html
The Forth Test:
The forth test is supposed to be a 72 hour EEG, but unfortunately, we've hit an insurance snag and it's been put on hold. We aren't sure what's coming next for our family, but we are trying to trust Jesus. My biggest goal is to be found faithful. I want to be faithful. I want to be obedient and a faithful servant of my God and King. He is so worthy and it is a privilege to worship Him. It is a privilege to experience this pain. He's granted me the gift of suffering! This suffering, these trials, this ache is an opportunity and a blessing. My worship has grown and my relationship with God has blossomed. I have a more intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and King! What a privilege! So no, we don't have answers, we're currently at a stand still and honestly, that is so hard! I can't even explain how hard this is and the pain we are experiencing, but He is still good and I truly would not trade this suffering!
To be found faithful.
I had some fear looking ahead and imagining what this would look like, what we'd go through, how we would feel. My two things were that it would break all of our hearts to see me like that, to see them seeing me. It broke me to imagine that pain and heartbreak. Each step was harder than the last and this step though maybe not harder was still going to break us-- this journey is breaking us. My other fear: PTSD and my past creeping up on me like it does sometimes and making this even more traumatic and emotional. (If you'd like to read more about my past: http://bayleykatherine.blogspot.com/search?q=untitled-- Trigger warning!) When the Insurance didn't approve it and we were kind of put on hold, there was relief and brokenness, sorrow. There is a lot of emotions that are really hard to explain, that are hard for people to understand and for me to put into words, but joy and sorrow is a really good way of putting it. There is a lot of joy because of Jesus, what He is doing and how He is working, it's beautifully life-changing! And there is sorrow which is also beautifully life-changing and equally from the Lord. Both come from hurt, you can't truly experience joy until you've experienced heartache and sorrow and sorrow is a byproduct of hurt and a tool that God uses to bring true joy. Jesus is the only way we can experience real joy, without Him, we just have happiness. Happiness is dependent on our circumstances, but joy is absolutely not! Joy is a precious gift from God to His children, something that only we can experience. What a privilege! My life has been broken for so long but, from the moment Jesus saved me, I have been able to choose joy. I have had to learn and it's not an easy thing to do, but Jesus. Even when we don't choose to experience joy, it's there. Because Jesus is the giver of joy and true joy is an eternal gift from the Father. I can't really explain, but I really, really pray you get to experience it!
Joy and sorrow.
He keeps graciously reminding me what precious, eternal gifts He's given to me, to us, through this and one of my favorite gifts is His teaching. I love how He powerfully and sovereignly answers the prayers of His children! I pray that the Lord will help me sit back and just watch in awe as He works and He has truly graciously given me that gift and privilege! He points out and He doesn't let me miss an answer to prayer. I prayed that He would help me in some specific areas that I was struggling with and He answered and did a beautiful and GRACIOUS work in my heart, my desperately wicked, sinful heart. PRAISE GOD! His answers and His perfect will don't always look the way we pray or imagine or want, but His will is far better than we could ever ask or imagine! The way He convicts and shows me truth and changes me is my favorite! I am so grateful!! He has done a mighty work and He still is! Until Eternity!
His teachings.
I am different than I was when this all started and I am grateful! I am so grateful that He is faithful and true to His word. Grateful that, as He promised, He will not leave us or forsake us. Grateful because He is mighty to save and His saving doesn't always look the way we want it to. I am grateful that He didn't give us what we wanted the way we wanted! Praise the Lord! His ways are higher than ours and better than we could ever imagine!! Wow God!!
..............................................................................
What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.
--What a Friend We Have in Jesus
Praying this over us!
..................................................................
Thank you for reading my story! Thank you for cheering me on and encouraging me! Thank you! You bless me, friend!! So much!
-b
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