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My Self Image Struggle Bus

Lately I've been feeling all the feels. I've been feeling like I'm way to much and way to little. Like I'm freaking people out with my passion and not measuring up at the same time. I've been battling it out with the lies that if I'm not perfect I'm not good enough. If I do this or if I don't do that I'm not worth it, I'm a mess up. That I am an imperfect, unredeemable mess up. I'll never get better and be all I want to be and all I think I should be. I've been believing lies and getting stuck. Stuck in the brokenness and imperfection and honestly, getting stuck in the lie that it's all about me. I've been forgetting that my worth is not in what I am or am not. My worth is not in what I do or don't do. {{We are called to be obedient to the Lord! God has given commands and convictions and we are absolutely commanded to obey and follow where He leads! We are to pursue righteousness and godliness! But we must also remember that what we do can't save us and how we act won't change what Jesus did on the cross for His children. We are called to live holy lives and be obedient to His commands (in scripture and through His gracious conviction and leading) and we *must* take that seriously and pursue the heart of the Lord!}} My worth is not in whether I look a certain way or act a certain way or post certain things a certain way on social media. My worth has nothing to do with anything of this world, but instead it has everything to do with my Savior and Lord!! Jesus made a way for me on the cross! He made it so that when God looks at me He sees the perfect blood of Jesus! Jesus made a way!! "Me" and "I" don't have a role to play in my worth, ONLY Jesus does! Only Jesus. Only Jesus! My worth is in the cross of Christ not in the fickle things of this world. My worth is in the cross of Christ not in the quality or captions of the pictures I post on IG! My worth has NOTHING to do with me!! It's all Jesus!! What grace!!! That I would be seen by God through what Jesus graciously, kindly, sacrificially, abundantly did on the cross!! That my worth would be rooted in Jesus going to the cross, being tortured, mocked, humiliated, beaten, and ultimately, murdered-- the grace of God-- thank You, Lord!!! What a humbling truth. Praise the Lord! I've been really worried about what people are thinking in this season. What they're feeling and if they're judging me or if they feel like I am judging them. I've been worried about different things, a lot of broken things and a lot of things that are whole that I'm projecting brokenness on to. I've been struggling and here is why: my heart has at times been fickle and I've gone where I feel versus where God is leading me. I've forgotten truth or run away from it. I've messed up, felt like a failure, and given up. I've chosen to go my own way instead of the way that God has graciously called me to and commands I go. I've gotten very stuck in the brokenness and fleeting pleasures (or lack thereof) of this world. I need Jesus! And friend, you do, too! Not so that we can be absolutely perfect with not a single blemish or flaw, but because we have the privilege of being commanded to be holy as He is holy. We have this beautiful command to seek the Lord first and with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength! We have this blessing of when we sin, when we fail, when we do wrong, we can repent and be in right standing with God once again. We have such gifts by the precious blood of Jesus, sweet believer!! I am so not perfect and I am learning to rejoice in that truth and boast in my mess ups not because of me and certainly not because it's okay or I'm proud of it, but because in my weakness and insufficiency we can all see the Lord and how wonderfully perfect He is and how He is working and changing me. I am learning and I'm still messing up, sweet friend and I hope you can see the goodness of the Lord in how He is graciously leading me. It is my desire and prayer that we would see Jesus when we look at each other. That we would see His goodness, kindness, and mercy. That our smiles, the way we live, our joy, and our pursuit of godliness would point us to God, spur us on in our walk & relationship with Him, and that in these things it would be so evident that we have the Holy Spirit living inside us! ❤️

Praying for you!

-bk
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