Thursday, November 17, 2016

I Am Second® - Chip & Joanna Gaines

Tonight I stumbled (not really because,... Jesus) across an 'I am second' video of Chip and Joanna Gaines and it absolutely wrecked me!!

Mrs. Joanna talked about how she is a rule follower to a tee and how she likes structure. She said she always thought "if you play by the rules, you'll be blessed" and then God gave her Mr. Chip and He showed her that "when you take a step out on faith, when it makes absolutely no sense, I think that's where the greater reward is. There's no telling where that will take you."

Every word they said in this interview was beautiful, inspiring and life-changing!!

I have struggled so much in the past few weeks, months, years, and, really, my whole life with being a 'follow all the rules to a tee and you'll be blessed' attitude and it has absolutely broken me! It has made my heart hurt. It has given me panic attacks and anxiety to the max. I could never succeed and do it just right. I will never be able to do it just right. I will never be perfect and that realization has absolutely broken my heart and I am still struggling so much with it!!

People might not see the struggle that goes on in my head and heart, but it's there and it hurts so bad!! It is a struggle that I feel like is never going to stop breaking me and hurting my heart. I know, however, that my Savior lives and I can face uncertain days because He is alive and active and He hears every broken cry of my heart!!

Today God taught me so much about Himself. He reminded me of truths from His word and He showed me how to better live for HIM. I am second.

It was beautiful.

He showed me that I have been selfish, prideful, rude, and arrogant. He showed me that I have been hiding because of sin that is in my life. He showed my that I need to stop living by all the rules and start living with abandon. I need to be obedient but I need so desperately to stop being legalistic and guarded. I need to stop letting satan in!! I need to stop listening to his lies and start believing God's truths!!

Mr. Chip and Mrs. Joanna's words were truly a blessing and God used them to change me and convict me. I am praying He does the same for you!!

Please take a moment to watch this wonderful video and be blessed!

In Christ,

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Disability or Reability? --My Epilepsy Story (Introduction)

This month is Epilepsy awareness month and I want to paint the world purple and help people be more aware not only of the disorder but also of the lifestyle it produces.

My story is one of utter brokenness. The kind of brokenness that you think is going to never stop hurting and making your heart ache. This story is full of mistakes I made and, unfortunately, sins I committed. I handled this brokenness in a way that I am ashamed of. I am ashamed of my actions and words and the ways I have hurt my family, friends, church and community, and most importantly, God!

December 2011 through March 2012 were bad and then March until June of that some year were REALLY BAD. After June the redemption started and then the broken hearts and relationships started to mend. After that I began to find a new normal and face this disorder in a new way. I am going to explain all of this in detail as the weeks go on.

I am going to be sharing a part of this story each week of November, there will be five parts in all.

I am sharing this story because I believe that, no matter how broken and ugly our stories are, they are meant to be shared. God has never left me and He has been gracious in every broken, ugly, sinful moment and I believe that is worth sharing no matter how painful the rest is!!

Some might think I am crazy for believing this is a gift, but I believe this because God tells us in His word that that He brings blessings through tribulations and He has been faithful to do so in every broken moment of this journey.

I want this to encourage you and bless you and I want us to bless God as He deserves through this! I believe that is one of the reasons God has given me this illness. I am going to share other reasons that God has shown me, the ugly and the beautiful parts of this story and I want to share with you where God has brought me and how wonderful and great our God is! I want you to see that this kind of redemption is real and possible for you through Christ.

I want to help you if you are struggling with an illness. I want to support you and give any advice I can if you are having a hard time helping someone who is struggling with an illness. I want to help you if you need Jesus! I want to help any of you with anything that is breaking you!!

I want people to see that brokenness is an opportunity to reach out to others and to glorify God.

I am praying that this helps and blesses you and I can't wait to see what God does and how He is glorified through this!!

In Christ,