Where The Light Comes In

Tonight I stumbled (not really because,... Jesus) across an 'I am second' video of Chip and Joanna Gaines and it absolutely wrecked me!! Mrs. Joanna talked about how she is a rule follower to a tee and how she likes structure. She said she always thought "if you play by the rules, you'll be blessed" and then God gave her Mr. Chip and He showed her that "when you take a step out on faith, when it makes absolutely no sense, I think that's where the greater reward is. There's no telling where that will take you." Every word they said in this interview was beautiful, inspiring and life-changing!! I have struggled so much in the past few weeks, months, years, and, really, my whole life with being a 'follow all the rules to a tee and you'll be blessed' attitude and it has absolutely broken me! It has made my heart hurt. It has given me panic attacks and anxiety to the max. I could never succeed and do it just right. I will never be ab

This month is Epilepsy awareness month and I want to paint the world purple and help people be more aware not only of the disorder but also of the lifestyle it produces. My story is one of utter brokenness. The kind of brokenness that you think is going to never stop hurting and making your heart ache. This story is full of mistakes I made and, unfortunately, sins I committed. I handled this brokenness in a way that I am ashamed of. I am ashamed of my actions and words and the ways I have hurt my family, friends, church and community, and most importantly, God! December 2011 through March 2012 were bad and then March until June of that some year were REALLY BAD. After June the redemption started and then the broken hearts and relationships started to mend. After that I began to find a new normal and face this disorder in a new way. I am going to explain all of this in detail as the weeks go on. I am going to be sharing a part of this story each week of November, there will be fiv

Today is one of those really bad days. You know, the kind of day where your heart hurts even when something wonderful happens? The kind of day that makes you want to cry about every little thing? The kind of day that makes you almost hate the things you love? Yeah, today has been that kind of day for me. Today has kind of stunk! It has been rough and my heart is hurting. Today is the every once in a while day that we call "I hate Epilepsy day". It comes every couple of weeks or months and it doesn't stay long but while it's here, it hurts! It breaks our hearts and it makes us cry and basically, it just plain stinks, big time!! I have cried more times then I can count today. Why? You may ask. Because, it stinks to have Epilepsy sometimes! Now, please don't get the idea that I hate Epilepsy, even though everything I've said so far has pointed to that very thought. I LOVE having Epilepsy!! I love that the Lord gave this illness to me!! It is a gift and I am

Hi, readers! I know it's been awhile but I'm back (hopefully for more than one post ;))! I have wanted to tell this part of my story for a long time! I have wanted to share of God's grace, His faithfulness, mercy, love, forgiveness, patience, and redemption. I have wanted to help others by telling my story; I have wanted to share the truth and unearth pieces of this story that haven't been shared freely. There have been times when I haven't wanted to share this part of my story, I haven't been able to understand, comprehend, or describe anything well enough to share it much less help others. I have struggled with my story for a long time, but for the last couple of years I have wanted to share my story, praise the Lord, and help others. Unfortunately, I have never been able to truly share my story in all it's entirety. BUT, by God's grace, I am now!! He has answered my prayers with a long awaited "YES!" And I could not be more grateful! I